but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
