hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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