Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
