It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
