i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
