he shaved USA in his pubs
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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