i already hear my dad disowning me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
