Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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