I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
