it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
