Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
