24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
