dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
