So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
