Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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