Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
