Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
