I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
