she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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