Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
