Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
