Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
