I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
