you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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