Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
