There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
