he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
