Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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