i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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