This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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