Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
