Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
