Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
