i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
two words: eviction party
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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