all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
