Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
