If that was your dad, he is hot
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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