i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
