you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
