so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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