i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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