i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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