Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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