Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
