Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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