Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
