do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
