Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
