So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
