Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
